Juice?

So I will start with a funny.  I told BudD that his Nintendo was running out of juice (ie the battery was dying).  It was very quiet for about 5 minutes.  Then in a small voice he said "Mommy so we have to put more juice in my Nintendo?" :)

I love how my kids make me laugh.  Today my youngest had the giggles.  I wish I could bottle those and save them for later.  We are getting ready to undertake a major change - moving to a new state.  The boys are excited, mostly.  I can see some sadness in my youngest - mostly because he doesn't understand he will have new opportunities.  And there will be many - it is the right move for us.

However.....that long drive....yeah, I am sure I will have stories to tell on that one.

Why is it the main time you feel like blogging is when you are frustrated?  Weird - you would think I would rush here with funny antidotes or exciting moments.  But instead I find myself drawn here on the rough days - like today.  I can't even pinpoint one moment that qualifies it for rough - it was just a day where everything compiled into a mountain that seemed impossible to get through.  Yet I did, again.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching this week.  Asking a lot of questions that I don't really expect answers to.  Anyways - enough about me.

We are facing a big change - huge change.  In a week and a half we will be moving half way across country back to our former home.  It is interesting to see how this is impacting each of the boys.  We know that stability is key for them and of course moving is anything but stable.  Surrounded by boxes with only the main toys remaining, I wonder what they are really thinking.  Or maybe, this is just more comforting because that is all they had before?  We have definitely been dealing with behavior issues - especially with BudD.  When he is angry, he is very physical - toward his brothers, toward me, toward whoever gets in his way.  He has been known to just walk up and slap his little brother out of nowhere.  I wonder if this is what he learned before coming to us - that anger is best laid on others.  And I wonder, how it is best to unteach that.  Tonight I was pelted with a toy car in the back.  Was I seriously injured, of course not.  But it stung - and I wondered, what is really the right reaction.  Because obviously he is trying to get one.  I chose to ignore it - which drove him nuts.

Anyways - all is finally quiet - after 2 hours, he finally fell asleep.  The other boys are resting peacefully - and I am still grateful to have the chance to try to show these little boys - before they become men that this is not how you treat a lady.  That this is not how you show anger.  That someone really can love them so much that toy cars in the back don't change that.

Sometimes its just hard

There are times when you are an adoptive parent that it can be very lonely.  Those are the times when one of your children is going through something that most "normal" parents just don't understand.  I am not in any way being condescending - for I do not see that we are better or even different, but sometimes it is hard.  When children of trauma suddenly regress to a stage they missed out of nowhere, when middle of the night memories of being hurt hit, or when their years of rage take over its hard to find someone who just can listen without judging that there is something wrong with your kid.  We know there is something that needs fixing - but fixing doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't mean your kid is damaged goods.  I find that teachers seem to understand this least of all.  Trust me, I know that they have a lot on their minds and they have one of the hardest jobs.  But rather than become a participant in the solution, I find so many teachers just want to give up because one of the kids is behind or requires "different" attention.  Don't they understand that their self esteems have been pulverized by years of being told they are nothing - no good - should have never been born?

Of course, there are the exceptions to the rules.  But I think we fail so many of our children, not just adopted and foster, but different ones that don't respond to the yelling and typical discipline.  I struggle every day to find the right mix with each of my boys.  Each of them requires something completely different.

Okay, I will get off my soapbox - been a rough week or so but coming out the other side I can say more lessons learned, more bonding and another step in healing my children.

Another birthday

Well we have celebrated our 3rd child's birthday - so one for each since they came home.  It really shows how far we have come from the first one to this one.  Our comfort level is so much better with the kids.  And didn't see the same jealousy level from Mr. T. as before.  We did the Chuck E Cheese thing - lots of kids and fun.  Turned out quite well.

Otherwise things have been going pretty well.  Everyday is a learning and it is amazing how they have just become our "kids."  They are so unpredictable though - just when we get something "fixed" something else pops up - but I guess that is normal?  Sure love these little guys though :)

Valentine's weekend

It's been an interesting weekend.  When we adopted, we were taught that children that have had trauma can have sudden flair ups of behavior - sometimes for seemingly no reason.  Well those are the times I remember that our kids are different - not bad, just different.  BudD started the weekend off from the time I picked them up from after school.  I tried to stop at the grocery store and he burst into tears and started a tantrum that didn't end until I finally put him to bed early.  Then today, Mr. T decided he would NOT be told what to do and threw a 10 year old version of a tantrum in a retail store - just picture a sit in.  But here is where I realized today that we have grown and become parents.  At no point did we allow ourselves to take that behavior personally - which helps us to have the patience necessary to wait these things out.  Shockingly, our youngest had a great weekend.  Parenting is an extreme sport - it is not easy and parenting hurt children can take its toll.  But I didn't mention the good parts of the weekend.....

Saturday we watched our 2 older boys play their first games - soccer and football.  It was surreal and I was very proud.  Then this afternoon (post tantrum and apology), we took the boys up to a park and hubby threw the football with them.  They laughed and ran and tumbled - it was perfect.  Sometimes I think back on all the things I have been through in my life - the pain, the hurts, the disappointments, frustrations and successes - and the need to forgive - and I think, all this time God was preparing me for my children, whose past hurts will continue to haunt them for some time, much like the physical scars they all bear.  But through perseverance, consistency and love, I am determined to teach them that same forgiveness and the ability to see life with new eyes.

Taking a step back

So a few have asked for me to put a little info on about our journey.  So I pulled a bit from my other blog, hope it catches up a little.

From May 2009

A dream is a wish your heart makes....or so the song goes right?  So what happens when the dream seems so far out of reach that wishing is too small.  I guess that is where faith comes in.  Well let me stop there and give a little background.  Hubby and I have spent the past ten years weathering the ups and downs of being best friends and happily married - we have had hard times, thats for sure but all in all, life has been good.  With one exception that is, we are still waiting for the rest of the family.  Not for lack of trying mind you - in fact, you could say we have tried so hard that is kind of like that kid who holds their breath until they can’t hold it anymore.  We have prayed all the prayers, done all the tests, practically stood on our heads and still no little bambino to call our own.  We know we will be good parents, heck even great parents - so what’s up right?  

So I am now affectionally calling our home phone the bat phone - why you may ask.  This was the phone I previously used for work purposes, however thanks to a snazzy new set up I have a separate VoIP phone for that use.  So this home phone became the “adoption hotline” aka the bat phone (reminds me of Batman waiting for “the call”).  Because we rarely give the number out for anything other than the adoption inquiries, when it rings my heart jumps a little.  I find myself trying not to look at it - trying to employ the “watched pot never boils” technique. 

Well all this to say - the bat phone rang a bit ago.  Luckily I was not on a call so was able to answer and it was a response on one of our inquires for a 5 yo girl and a 6 yo boy.  She was asking for our homestudy, which I just emailed her.  The matching for them will be in the coming weeks.  For those of you not familiar with a matching....which I totally wasn’t.....it is equivalent to a group of caseworkers and interested parties for the kids getting in a room and reviewing the home studies - based on the needs of the kids, they decide who would make a good fit.  Then those people are considered matched.  Its hard to wait for these decisions to be made by others, but this is where I am having to have faith that we will be a match (soon) to the right kids.  The odds also can feel a bit overwhelming, one worker told me that she had over 40 homestudies for a set of kids - how do you stand out in that - thats where my faith in God comes in I guess - I believe this will happen in the right time.

So how does this work??  I get that question a lot.  I figured I would spend a couple posts (while waiting) letting you know how the process works.  The first thing you do is go to an interest meeting.  These are usually large meetings of twenty to thirty couples or individuals that are interested.  At this meeting they explain the process - however, there is so much information given that I doubt anyone really comprehends exactly what is involved.  We have been to two interest meetings, one in Texas and one in Florida.  Every state does them different.  And every state has their own “rules and procedures.”  At the Florida one, they brought in the adoption attorney, case worker, and other relevant speakers.  Then they pass out the list to sign on the line if you are interested in moving forward.  I would say about 2/3 of those who attend sign up.  In our case, enough people were interested that they decided to set up two classes - the one we were set up in of course started second - my first “wait” in this process!

Ok more later - back to not looking at the bat phone.......

WAIT - bat phone rang again - twice in one day!!  One of the case workers I had talked to was calling back to tell us she really, really liked our homestudy and had a sibling group she thought we would be a great fit for.  They are a little older than the ones we first inquired on - 9 and 12, but have no medical or developmental delays.....have to talk to hubby now.  

From June 2009

we have a disclosure meeting for sibs we have been really interested in set up for Monday.  

But you know, as I sit here, I feel so blessed.  We are closer.  Closer to that family we have been waiting for.  Closer to a decision that will change our lives forever.  Closer to God’s will for us.  I started a journal to my new kids (now that sounds weird to type - well not sounds since you can’t hear it ...well anyways you know what I mean). 

Oh and for anyone wondering about the bat phone - we are not speaking right now.  It seems to only bring in wrong numbers lately.  I have put in on phone probation :)

Monday will start a new week - I have the day off and we are going to a disclosure meeting for one of the sets of sibs.  I really like this CW - she has been awesome to work with, so we will see how it goes.  I am learning not to get hopes up on anything yet.

.....AND THEN

So this week has been a whirlwind - an exhausting, exciting whirlwind.  Monday we had a disclosure meeting for a group of siblings we had inquired on over a month ago and had been working with the AS (Adoption Specialist) off and on.  This was the group I was really interested in on the 2nd day we started inquiring.  Over the past month we had gathered info from the AS on them and were informed about a week or so ago that we are were a match.  

we drove about 1 1/2 hrs down to their office and spent the next 3 hrs talking with therapists, case worker, AS, supervisor and the guardian ad litem (the volunteer assigned by the court as the children’s advocate). It was a great meeting - we were able to ask all kinds of questions, got a ton of info and left with about 8 inches of paperwork - copies of all paperwork in their file, the only pics taken of them and a sense of excitement.

So we went home - I looked through the paperwork and we talked more, and we decided - these are the ones we want to move forward with.  Woohoo!!

So we called the AS and they set up a meeting for us for today.  So long story short and another drive down and we got to spend almost 3 hours with the kids.  They have so much potential and are so unique - adorable.

So for those of you that have asked - here is what I know so far.  (Note: because they are still officially foster kids I will not be using their names here and will not be posting pics until I tighten up the distribution list.  If you are on this and suddenly cannot get on, please email me and I will send you the updated info.)

Okay so back to details - 3 boys (yes, we may be crazy but what the heck.......let’s just get the whole family at once!)  So keep in mind we just met them so I don’t have a lot of details on their likes yet....

Big Bro (9) - likes baseball, disney movies, favorite colors are red and green, loves to run!

Shy guy (6) - still working on his likes, he does like crafts - especially cutting and gluing

The charmer (5) - likes dark blue and light blue (he was very specific), favorite movie is Monsters Inc, LOVES to color and draw (and he is very talented if I do say so)

So that’s the basics - we are exhausted - not so much physically as emotionally, I want to thank all of you who have prayed with and for us - please keep us in prayer going forward until we can bring our boys home and there are no challenges that arise.  

From here we will do another supervised (AS/CW present) visit - probably next week, then we will do some unsupervised visits and probably a weekend or two.  Finally, it will be time to bring them home.  The goal is to get them here before school starts in August (ok so that’s my goal but you know I can be persistent :).  We have a ton to do.  Stopped at IKEA looking for bunkbeds today but would you believe they were out of twin mattresses?  What is there a run on twin mattresses in Florida or something?  I did pick up 2 sets of kid size hangars - thrilling LOL

Ok - enough chatter - I may have more later when my brain is actually functioning at somewhat decent speed.  

Lil bit

So our LilC is really on a streak - and when I say streak I mean he is Mr. Rebellious right now.  Mind you, he is 5.....but I think he is reliving the terrible 2's!  Unfortunately, he is primarily doing this at school and coming home with "numbers" every day - which basically is his teacher's way of telling us what he is doing wrong.  He tells us he is "trying" but we see hints of the same behavior at home.  Sigh.....so we are narrowing the boundaries, removing privileges and the poor lil guy may never play Wii again at this rate!  We have done the behavior chart thing, stickers, rewards, etc.  I think it may just be something he is going through where he has to "kick" the tires of the boundaries to see just how firm they are.  Not sure, but I do hope he "gets it" soon - before I get called in for a conference.....

On a brighter note, BudD has been doing quite well.  No more bedtime drama - I have figured that equation out for now.  We have an appt with a new psych for his ADHD meds tomorrow.  I decided to quit going to that place that accepts his ins.....not a good environment.  So I am paying out of pocket and I really pray it is worth it!