Thoughts after bedtime

Adoption is not for the faint of heart - its work, physical and mental.  To begin with, the entire adoption process is long and full of ups and downs.  For those of you who followed my original blog, you know that there were weeks where I couldn't stand to be in the same room with the phone for its lack of ringing.  The wait was worth it.  And sometimes, all that time that took so long now seems so short.

But when I say its work, I mean after its finalized too.  In our case, we completely changed our lives overnight.  Going from a 2 adult household to 5 required a lot of adjusting - sure physically, but more so mentally.  Everything changes.  The focus of your future plans change.  You learn what an IEP and ESE with intervention means.  You discover that ADHD affects everything from homework to sleep patterns.  Red dye is banned from the household.  Laundry.....well I won't go there.  I remember my first weeks being so exhausted I could barely crawl into bed.

Tonight, BudD had a bad night - just cranky and mean spirited.  We are still trying to teach him that hands are for loving, not hitting and a mouth is for kisses, not biting - he hasn't quite gotten that down yet.  When he gets mad he does everything he has seen all his life.  Tonight he even flipped a bird!  7 I remind you!  So we did time out - 5 minutes is all he really tolerates well and then we talked about why he had a bad day and how its ok to say, "mommy, I am having a bad day" instead of targeting his brothers or other weaker target.  He is physically strong....honestly, probably stronger than the other 2 combined.  One of the therapists said he was so strong from years of tensing his muscles during tantrums.  So daily we work to break these habits - and I am not going to kid anyone.....its work.  But I sat down today and realized, that despite the flu I am getting over, I am not tired like I first was.  Its like my "mommy mental muscles" have toughed up and I have become stronger too.  To me, that is a miracle - how did I get stronger without knowing it?

Anyways, after our talk I just held him and told him how loved he was, even when he had bad days.  How I know God has great plans for him and he is smart.  That even though he is struggling to learn to read, we are so proud of how he is doing.  And he just melted - but I wonder....what does he think in his little head - does he believe me?  Or is he waiting for the other shoe to drop?  When it was time to go to bed he asked me to carry him there - umm yeah, mommy's back has gotten stronger too.....and then he turned back from where he was laying and blew me a kiss and said "I love you mommy."  How did I get so blessed to witness this miracle in this child?  This child who wouldn't look us in the eyes and jumped of furniture when he first tantrumed?  This child who so many overlooked and called "bad" - how could they miss the sweet child just waiting to be discovered?

Its work - work to see past the paperwork and diagnosis and acting out - to find that tiny spark.

MLK day

So I really meant to post this earlier in the week, but it has just been a crazy week.  The night before MLK day, the boys and I were driving home and my youngest brought up the holiday.  He talked about the man who made a speech and the lady who rode the bus even though they told her to get off.  I was very proud of him for remembering these things.  Then of course, he wanted to understand what it all meant.  So we talked about how things use to be so different when people made decisions about others based on the color of their skin.  I tried to give them the lesson that we are all people and that if they ever make fun of someone for being different, they are judging them in a way none of us want to be judged.  I wrapped it up with talking about how multicultural our own family is - mommy is what they call "white or caucasian" and daddy is "hispanic" and the boys are "african-american" or "black".  Lil C pipes up "I not black, mommy - I BROWN!"  He cracks me up.

Anyways, during this conversation Mr. T. was very quiet....suddenly he asks "mommy, if MLK didn't have a dream does that mean we couldn't live with you."  At that moment, all the differences I really don't see daily were there.  I have never been one to see or judge by color - I hate prejudice.  But this was the first of many conversations I am sure we will have when someone treats my sons differently because of the color of their skin.  Now, I told them - boys, you are so blessed that you were born in a time when you can be anything you want.  Lil C pipes up - even president!  Love that kid.

Anyways - I was so proud of Mr. T.  He is a deep thinking - well beyond his 10 years and he has been working so hard to learn responsibility.  He is a good boy - so much potential. They all do.

Tonight I also went to my first "sport parent meeting." LOL - I probably should have paid more attention to all those football games I sat through in high school and on Monday nights - oops!  BudD will be playing flag football and Mr. T. will be playing soccer.  I think it will be really good for them.

Saturday morning thoughts

Today I woke up comfortably in my bed, my children secure in theirs.  Today, many orphans in Haiti woke up afraid with their futures hanging desperately in the balance.  We have friends whose parents are adopting from Haiti and it is a very long process - years.  And the same is for many families here in the US.  However, with the situation in Haiti, all of that lies tenuously in the decisions of two governments - one of which has suffered more than any of us can truly understand.  I just read that the head of adoption in Haiti was killed in the courthouse.  Files are buried.  New orphans are coming into the orphanages but there are not rooms because those who were ready to go "home" are now unsure of when that will happen.  Pray with me friends that this situation is resolved quickly and these adoptions are expedited so these children can come home.

On another note, today I start the last semester of my MBA.  That sounds unreal to even say it - and a little scary honestly.  I have two classes - Strategic Marketing which I am looking forward to and the Capstone - which is basically the final project.  In this, you are teamed with 4 or 5 other students and serve as consultants to a real company to solve an issue they have presented.  Its a little daunting to be honest, but I am looking forward to the challenge.  It is a level of work that may student actually include on their resume once completed.  And to top it all off, this is my first semester with the boys.  Sure I had them last semester but I was on leave, so that was different.  So add in their soccer and football and this should be interesting for sure!  But, I like to be busy HA HA

Mr. T. is home from his campin - said he had fun and went straight to bed lol. I am glad he made it without getting homesick - that says a lot.  When he first came to us he was afraid of everything, so for him to feel secure in this, it was huge.

Well, I better start getting organized........oh and there is that blasted laundry.  

Getting started again

Well friends, I decided to test out switching this blog over to a new server.  Plus, I feel like with the new year I wanted to start a fresh blog which signifies that we are moving forward as a family - finally.

Anyways, its been a pretty good start to the year, every week the boys settle in more.  The other day LilC actually talked to me about his birthmom.  It was a good conversation, one that I guess you can never truly be ready for.  However, since that time he has been much more affectionate and seemingly happier.  We told him it will always be okay to talk about her.  We asked what he remembered - he remembered high heels, brown skin and that she use to hit him with a brush.  Yeah, sad.

Anyways, tonight Mr. T. is at a camp in overnight with the Royal Rangers.  He was SO excited - it was funny just how hard he was trying to be good so he could go.  We also signed him up for soccer and BudD for football.  I hope this will continue to teach them how to be team players and take care of others.  I think that will be a great lesson for them.  Plus this should definitely be good for self-esteem.

So for my funny moment of the day.....we took the boys to a restaurant and LilC got fish and daddy got salmon.  LilC took one look at his then asked daddy "why your fish different - is that big man fish?"  :)